If I Was Better
by MilaMizz
Summary: If only I was better, maybe I could've done something.


"Wait, what?" Kai asked sitting at the side of the table next to Sensei, who had just made the announcement.

"You must return home and protect your families. With this going on you need to make sure they are all ok. When you do that you can come back." Cole nodded his head in understanding; Jay nodded slightly something obviously going on in his head, while Zane and Kai stared at Sensei.

"But I do not have anyone else to protect, nor dose Kai except for Nya." Zane said as he tilted his head to one side slightly and his eyes hardening a bit at the mention of family. Sensei set down the cup in his hand lightly next to the sugar cubes.

"You may stay here and protect each other, or stay with others and protect their families. Cole and Jay must return home though." Sensei said with a look that said 'do not question me'.

* * *

As they made their way over the land Jay couldn't stop thinking about what he saw. Nya and Cole, flirting and acting all mushy and gross, he couldn't stand it. Didn't Nya like him? He knew he loved her, and she knew as well. The date meant she at least had to like him, right? Maybe his mother could help; she was always good with these things.

"This is where we split up." Zane nodded at the two different paths. He started walking on the one that turned left with Jay following. As Cole and Kai made their way on the right Nya stopped for a moment.

"Why don't you go with Kai and Cole? That way you can be your brother." Jay said as he walked forward a bit with a grimace on his face as he thought of what was bound to happen between the love of his life and one of his best friends. Nya stood shocked but shook it off, running the other way to catch up with Kai and Cole.

As Jay sighed Zane turned his head towards him.

"Girl trouble?" As Zane said it Jay laughed.

"You could say that." With Zane just looking at him, he sighed running a hand through his hair.

"One of my best friends likes the girl I love, and she likes him. Who am I to stand in the way of them?" He finished with a bitter laugh. Zane comforted him by placing a hand on his shoulder and saying nothing more. He couldn't, he barely knew what to do about girls in general so he wouldn't be much help. Though he would comfort his brother in any way he could.

* * *

As they reached Jays home they came across a mess. Things were destroyed and broken, a mess was everywhere. The two got into a stance, carefully making their way to the small home. They gently pushed the door open. What they saw would break Jay's heart forever. There sat his mother, with a knife in her side as his father clung onto her with all he could. They leapt forward trying to help as much as they could, Jay could only hope that his mother would be ok. Zane ended up pushing the two men aside as he worked on the women, promising she would be fine, for it wasn't that deep.

_'It's my entire fault, if only I was better, if only I was Cole.' _Jay thought as he slid down the destroyed wall, rubbing his hands on his face and pulling the hood of his jacket up. His father slid down next to him, pulling him into a crushing hug and crying at how if he lost his mother he could never lose him. It broke his heart to see his father this way and he wanted to cry and curl in a ball, but he had to be the strong one right now. So he let his father cry it out, while just holding him and whispering it would be ok and things would be fine. He never shed a tear, the moment he did he knew his father would break even more and there would be no hope. He had to be that hope right now.

* * *

A few hours had passed and Zane had called the others and told them to come to him and then they could return to Sensei. They didn't know what had happened to Jay's family; they thought they were perfectly fine. So Cole got his father and head to Zane with Kai and Nya in tow.

As they got there they could only gasp at what they saw, it was a wreak broken things everywhere. They found Jay's dad sitting on a pile of rubble next to a small used camp fire, and as they continued they found Zane tending to a hurt Edna.

"Where's Jay?" Asked Kai as he looked around, not spotting the blue ninja anywhere.

"He went to go punch something. It doesn't look very good, she lost a lot of blood but at this point she may recover." Zane said as he put new bandages around Edna's middle where the sword was.

"Should we go and look for him?" Nya asked as she looked around at the junk yard.

"No, we need to let him get it out. It's hard losing a parent and right now he just needs some space." This time Ed spoke as he came and sat next to his wife clutching her hand. He was right, Jay need a little time to go off on his own so when he comes back all would be fine.

* * *

Jay did come back but only Zane saw him, he asked how his mother was and Zane told him he might want to talk to her now so just in case she didn't make it. Jay moved down as he held onto her hand and tears made their way down his face.

"Mom, I hope you can hear me but I want you to know I love you so much. I didn't care when those kids at school called me a momma's boy, because it meant I loved you and I do so much. I'm so grateful for you helping me when I got picked on and started to destroy myself. I'm so grateful for you not giving up on me when I gave up on life. I love you, mom. I can't even say how much because nothing ever would be enough. Even when I said bad things or acted stupid you still cared and loved me, I'm so glad I got someone as great as you to be my mother. And I know you'll always be with me, but that doesn't make this hurt less. I hate to see you hurting, so if you being alive right now makes you hurt, you can let go. I can take care of dad; I promise I won't ever let anything bad happen to him, ever. I love you; mom, I and dad love you so much. I…...guess…..this…...is…...goodbye." By now Jay's face had tears running and he was hiccupping slightly as he sobbed, as he held onto her hand he felt her pulse weaken until it wasn't there.

As everyone came to check on Edna they found Jay there hold her, her head cradled in his arms as he rocked slightly, sobbing as he held her. Ed came and hugged Jay as he held his wife's hand. Zane came and checked for her pulse, placing a hand on his brother's should as he felt none.

The only thoughts running through Jay's head where _'I wasn't good enough for Nya, I wasn't good enough for those kids at school, I wasn't good enough to protect my mother, I'm not good enough. If only I was better. If only I could be better. If only I was better, if only…' _

Jay was broken but after that he cared for his dad, and after this was all over he went back with him and stayed with him for many years. And even all these years later he still thought _'If only I was better.'_

* * *

**That got depressing, I'm sorry if this was out of character or just bad I like Ninjago but I don't think I could ever really write something for it in character. And this is my first story for Ninjago; I hope I make more for this fandom. And if you liked this please leave a like and a review telling me if you liked it or hated it or just felt like it was ok, anyways have a good day/night. Goodbye! Disclaimer - I own nothing!**

**~Mizz**


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